Depression is often a Resentment Toward the Current Self
The definition of resent from Merriam-Webster Online is: to feel or express annoyance of ill will at. This usually involves an intention toward past equilibrium and away from present and future balance. You see this a lot in relationships. One might say, "Why can't things be the way there have always been"? What they are asking for is impossible but they need to see that they are asking the impossible before they can see that their non-acceptance of the present person is preventing their acceptance of the present moment, and their precipitating the holding on to their resentment.
In depression one has a deep and enduring resentment toward the current self. The intention is to sabotage any chance for current contentment. This intention is typically fueled by an intention towards the past. This intention towards the past is fueled by an intention towards balance. The individual is spending a great deal of time thinking of the past, either trying to get back to a time of former balance, or trying to change events that threaten present self acceptance. For example the individual is trying to get back to who they were before a major loss of self balance effected by a trauma or series of traumas. Or the individual is trying to find out how they could have prevented past trauma by reviewing it over and over again. In both cases the intention is to go back in time to change things. Present happiness will always be denied, even though it can't help but happen in the moment.
Depression Don'ts
Don't spend too much time in self reflection.
- Typically when we want to become better people we focus on the things about us that we want to change.
- We have to go back in the past to reflect on these "unacceptable" qualities.
- Negative self talk is nearly always present in depression - and self reflection is always going to give too much ammunition to beat ourselves up.
- It's best to leave this activity to when you see your therapist so that it is - time limited - and your therapist can help you put your past in perspective.
- Being stuck in the past is never healthy.
Don't beat yourself up.
- A common motivational technique is to berate and ridicule. Think of football coaches and drill instructors. People don't want to feel bad about themselves so they tend to respond by doing what the coach says: "getting their head out of their ass" and trying harder.
- Individual prone to depression are extremely hard on themselves, they would do well to stop trying to motivate themselves in this way.
- In fact for all of us, if we notice our minds during our own "depressed" times, we will likely notice we are beating ourselves up.
Don't tell yourself: "I can't feel this".
- When we have physical pain we have a tendency to tighten around it. We are telling ourselves "I can't feel this" causing a tightening around it. Often it's not the pain itself that's unbearable but our own tightening around it.
- Instead, ask yourself: "What is this pain trying to tell me"? Tell yourself this is an opportunity to practice acceptance of myself and of others.
- Depression is always just an opportunity for awareness, the sooner you get to this place of acceptance the sooner the pain lifts.
Don't self medicate
- This almost always leads to more problems down the road. Next thing you know you have an addiction too.
Depression DOs
Do---Notice your mental tendency to hold onto your depression.
- Whether we are pushing away our pain and telling ourselves "I can't feel this" or holding onto our pain for any number of reasons, it has the effect of keeping it there.
- Notice how you hold on to and re-feel your depression.
- The word resent means to re-feel, or to feel again. Depression is resentment. There are plenty of reasons to hold onto depression as there are for any resentment. Stifling the growth of self or other, is a big reason for any resentment. Just notice your own reasons for holding onto it.
Do---Create an intention toward movement.
- Even if you are just exploring ways towards your eventual movement, do something each day that has to do with physical movement.
- If it's too hard to be around people right now you can look at ways to move around alone.
- You don't have to do anything other than explore ways to move that are fun, and to explore ways to motivate yourself to have fun. Help yourself create an openness to positive change. If you're depressed, your mind is going to be fairly closed off to change, accept that. Create new pathways by continually exploring change through developing intention towards movement.
Do---At least once daily connect to this moment with intension and acceptance. Depression is nearly always an unconscious intention towards the past. We must counter this with a conscious intention toward this moment. We need to find ways to momentarily suspend our ideas, our judgments, and our desire to be somewhere else, and just be here. Start with relatively easy things. You can watch the sky with the intention of really seeing it. You can listen to someone with the intention of just listening. You can pet your dog just with the intention of petting your dog. You can walk just with the intention of just walking. But, no matter what be as conscious and aware as you can be. See everything that you can with intensity. Don't let your awareness to be narrowed and closed, try to see the object in front of you with focus but also see everything in your periphery in as much detail as possible, see all there is to see. Also do this with your other senses. Hearing, hear all that is there, smell what there is to smell, and really taste that which you are tasting.
Do---Go see a therapist. Depression is usually very treatable, and a good therapist will be able to help you find your stuck places and help motivate you toward movement.
Do---Consider taking medications prescribed by a doctor. Know that this is not a cure but it is a way to be able to function while you are working with a therapist.